Valentine’s Day expectations hit different when Dr. Betsy Chung asks the question you’re not ready for. You’re seeing ads pour in, urgency building, pressure mounting to do something for Valentine’s Day. Flowers so expensive, heart-shaped chocolates everywhere, commercialism creating panic where guy’s card gets declined in flower shop line and multiple men fight over who gets to pay for him. Meanwhile Betsy gives her clients a choice: do you want a fulfilling relationship where you feel close to them, or do you kind of just want to do your own thing and you guys are just coexisting with each other? Just because a relationship lasts doesn’t mean it’s working. A lot of people stay in relationships for life and it ends up becoming something where they’re just kind of roommates.
You’re thinking until the kids grow up and then we’ll fall in love again. That timeline adds more pressure without fixing roommate mode. What actually deposits into relationship isn’t February 14th gesture. It’s learning to appreciate your partner, not even just who they are as people, but how they contribute to your day to day and how they are being a partner to you. Example: my partner leaves work early every Thursday to go pick up the kids because on that particular day there’s this meeting that I have to stay late for. Little things like that we tend to overlook in terms of types of sacrifices or accommodations two people make. As human beings we are kind of built to look for all the problems all the time.
The workbook first exercise is learning how to appreciate your partner. The Valentine’s Day ad sells you flowers. The actual relationship work is noticing Thursday afternoon schedule adjustments. One costs $80 and lasts a week. The other is free and compounds.
Topics: Valentine’s Day pressure, relationship roommates, partner appreciation, intimacy work, long-term relationships, daily contributions
GUEST: Dr. Betsy Chung | Dr. Betsy Chung Psychotherapy | Relationship Expert and Therapist | California, USA , author of The Couples Skills Workbook
RUNDOWN: Dr. Betsy Chung contrasts Valentine’s Day commercial pressure with actual relationship deposits, asking whether couples want fulfillment or are okay coexisting as roommates while kids grow up.
